Friday, August 12, 2011

Grown-Up Things

I have been REALLY good this week about doing grown-up things. For instance, I:
  1. Went to work every day, even though I didn't want to
  2. Worked at work (a little), even though I wanted to watch YouTube
  3. Packed my lunch for work every day with fruits and healthy shit
  4. Passed on dessert last night because I was full, even though I wanted it
  5. Spent money on things like insurance, bills, etc. even though I really wanted to buy fun things instead, like the entire box-set of the SCREAM movies on VHS
BUT, it's Friday. So, naturally, I'm tuckered out on doing boring, geriatric things like not skipping work and not eating Ben & Jerry's Phish Food for breakfast. It's tough being an adult. I'm 22, so inside, I feel like this:

But actually, due to my boring grown-up life, this is more accurate:

Anyway, Friday has come and I have lost all interest in even attempting to maintain the fasad that I am somewhat responsible and can be trusted with responsibilities outside simple tasks, such as blinking my eyes every now and then or not stabbing myself. I woke up this morning and apparently told myself, "Well, you're 4 out of 5 on days being a productive human being. You deserve a break." So, I decided to wear a t-shirt and a zip-up navy blue jacket I got from Old Navy for $5.00. It's a men's jacket. I have on blue jeans and Converse. I just looked in the mirror for the first time since 7:45 am and I resemble this:

^^may be an exaggeration^^

Anyway, here's how I know that I am not actually a responsible adult and that I shouldn't actually be trusted to do anything ever:
  1. I'm currently sitting here, blogging rather than working
  2. I'm trying to trick an 18 year old girl on Craigslist into buying an old futon for about $60 more than it's worth
  3. I know this person is 18 because I spent 20 minutes on Facebook looking her up....... her profile picture is her and another girl and says "*<3SiStErS!<3*" on the picture
  4. This was my lunch today:

There are a few things about this lunch that should be highly alarming to you. First, I'm eating Bowl Noodles. Adults do not eat Bowl Noodles. Preparing this lunch involved me tearing the paper lid off of the top of this paper bowl, adding a packet of brown stuff, adding water, and microwaving. After microwaving the instructions say "Add the Soup Booster and enjoy!!" though the tiny packet "soup booster," which is clear, snot-like liquid, is going to miraculously intensify my enjoyment of this crappy meal.

Secondly, if you'll notice, that's a fork sitting in the soup. Fork + soup = useless. Basic arithmetic.

Lastly, there's a jar of peanut butter in the background. Nothing says lunch like forking Bowl Noodles out of a paper cup, garnished with peanut butter. It's only 1:42 pm, and today is already leaving with me a feeling of WTF???? So, here's a whole lot of images to convey the sad, confused emotions I'm feeling regarding my life choices right now.


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