Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Disaster at KOHL's.

^^my feelings towards KOHL's^^

I did a really stupid thing last Friday that was really probably only about 10% KOHL's fault and about 130% my fault, but I will be blaming it on KOHL's anyway. 

Things that anger me about this store to begin with:

1. Your clothes are like Target, but at least 1 step down from Target. They are cheaply made and about a billion times less cute. Everything there is made of this fake wool material that is super itchy and when you try it on in the dressing room you're all like "meh, I guess this isn't so bad, I could live with it" so then you pay $19.99 for this horrible poison-ivy sweater and after wearing it for longer than 5 minutes realize that it is actually Satan materialized as an article of clothing and you want to kill yourself.

2. The music in KOHL's is terrible. Friday, they were playing Colbie Calliat followed by some 80's oldy followed by Adam Lambert. 

3. It is a damn maze. That store makes absolutely no sense to me. There are clothes everywhere. You walk in and there are clothes in every direction you look.... left, right, straight ahead, on the toilet, in the parking lot, hanging from the ceiling, etc. JUST TAKE ME TO THE JEANS PLEASEKTHANKS

4. There are NEVER any bathing suits. GET SOME GD BATHING SUITS. I know they have swimsuits somewhere because my BFFL has one that I like WITH underwire (and trust me when I say this is a MUST, no string bikini can support these babies) but every time I go there for swimsuits, they're like "oh, we're kind of picked over right now but you can look anyway." And I'm all, "but it's December," and they're like "yeah, super busy this year."

5. I'll see someone wearing something cute and I'm like, "Where did you get that top??" And they're like "KOHLs, isn't it just to die for?" And I'm like hmm, KOHL's, maybe they're getting their act together after all. Maybe I should give KOHL's another shot. So then I drive all the way out there and it's just as terrible as it was every other effing time I've ever been to KOHL's, and I leave unhappy in my new sweater, $19.99 poorer and itchy.

Anyway, Saturday was the first Clemson football game that I was going to be able to go to, and I realized that all my clothes either 1. don't fit or 2. look like homeless people clothes. So I left work and decided I needed to swing by somewhere on my way home to pick up a cute new shirt for the game. Didn't want to go out of my way, so I racked my brain for places on the drive home. The only thing I could come up with was this brand new KOHL's they just built in Easley next to the new WalMart. I decided I'd check out the parking lot as I drove by, and if it didn't look too packed, I'd swing in and scoop up a new shirt real quick.

As I'm driving by, I see the WalMart parking lot is packed to the MAX, but KOHL's is surprisingly empty. I'm like YESSS, I'm totally just gonna swing it in for a second, take a look around, gonna be the best shopping trip ever, so fast and NO one else in the store.

As I pull into the parking lot, I just cannot get over how few people are there. I'm thinking that, being the supersmart superstar shopping queen that I am, I picked the perfect time to come. Just me, myself, and I. The first thing I think as I pull into the parking lot: they knew I was coming, they have a spot reserved just for me.

Then I'm thinking, man, this place is super dead. All the better for me, though.

There was terrible music blaring from the front of the store and huge advertisements about JLOs horrible new clothing line and I was immediately regretting my decision to stop here. But I decided to go in anyway.

I tried to walk in the right set of automatic doors, but they wouldn't open *red flag number 2* so I walked over to try the left doors and BAM, open sesame, I was in. There was a teenage girl standing behind the cash register at the checkout counter counting money, and she stared me down HARD before saying "Hi!!!!" in a really superfriend way. I was like wow, hi, nice to see you. I strolled on in and took a left toward what i thought was the women's section.

I could not BELIEVE how unprofessional this KOHL's was. I was trying to find the women's shirts, but there were boxes everywhere. Like, literally boxes stacked up in the aisles where people I was trying to walk. I was also very annoyed with the music as I am not an Adam Lambert fan, but I got over it.

I finally was able to peek through the fortress of boxes and saw that the shirts I was looking for seemed to be up near the front. I was not happy that I had to go back by the checkout though, sistergirl cashier had been glaring at me since I'd walked in. I bit the bullet and, with my target in mind, made my way over toward the women's tops.

As I'm passing the register....

Sistergirl Cashier: you ARE an associate, right?
Marlee: uhh, clearly not, just here to shop, duh
Sistergirl Chasier: OK well you're going to have to leave, we're not open yet.
Marlee: ......but it's 4:45 pm?
Sistergirl Cashier: no, like, the store's not open yet. we open next Sunday.

^^things begin to make sense^^

I complained about how if they are not open, they shouldn't have all the lights on and music on and the doors unlocked. And they should have an effing sign telling people that you're not open yet, because this was really misleading, and all I wanted was a crappy $19.99 poison ivy shirt for the football game, and you can suck on it cause I'm never coming back here again.

On the way out of the parking lot, I saw this:

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