Thursday, September 22, 2011


Summer is coming to a close and FALL is starting! Actually, autumn officially started today, at 5:05 am or something like that. I <3 fall, for real, always and forever, best friends. October 1 is my favorite day of the year (tune in on Oct. 1 to find out why.) My favorite seasons are as follows:

1. Fall (because it kicks off the best 3 months of my life.)
2. Winter (because I get to sit next to fires and wear fat clothes like sweatshirts/pants all the time and use the weather as an excuse)
3. Summer (lake, cold beer, my birthday)
4. Spring (I actually love spring more than winter or summer, but for the purposes of this story we'll call it the worst)

^^reason #95278wr987w8qhg that fall rocks^^

Spring and I have a love-hate relationship. Spring is wonderful because even though I love winter, by February or so I am pretty much dying for just a little bit of sunshine to warm me up and then BAM, spring's there and birds are singing and I heart it. But spring sucks because you know summer is right around the corner, and every spring I'm like damnit, I meant to buy a nice swimsuit last summer but I never did cause I was fat and I spent all my money on other important stuff like oldschool VHS horror movies and the Acai Berry Diet. So then every spring, I have to come to terms with the fact that I will need to be purchasing a new swimsuit since all of mine are leftovers from high-school (better days for me.)

^^2007 Marlee, thinking she's fat. So sad, so sad.^^

 Me + swimsuit = traumatic experience for everyone involved no matter what, but it makes the situation worse when I'm slamming my girls into a PacSun bikini I bought in the 10th grade. Every spring, I literally swear to myself that this year will be the year that I bite the bullet and pay whatever I need to pay to buy an awesome swimsuit that makes me look hottastic and I'll be skipping down the beach in celebration, and then that never happens. Spring sucks.

So then summer rolls around and inevitably there is always an event that involves swimming of some kind (pool party, lake day, swimming laps) but no appropriate swimsuit to wear, and I am forced to actually shop for a bathing suit. I am always in a pissy mood when swimsuit shopping. I hate it only second to shoe shopping, which is quite literally the bane of my existence. This is why I have not been actual swimsuit shopping in about 5 years. I just order swimsuits from online stores (victoria's secret), which never ends well. I am REALLY bad about falling for the marketing strategies of companies (literally, this has happened one million times. To recap: 1) Proactiv 2) NutriSystem 3) Acai Berry Colon Cleanse 4) Every clothes catalog ever 5)Text message subscription for daily horoscope reading) but those are stories for a different day (and trust me, they will all be shared. Swears.)

Anyway, online shopping is great because I dont actually have to try on bathing suits (which, by the way, I think may be the grossest thing ever.) I can just look at the pictures of the hot models and be like OMG I LOVE THAT BUY CLICK BUY BUY BUY and then buy it. But it always sucks because in my head when I saw the picture of that bathing suit, I just put my face on the model wearing the bathing suit.


This is a recipe for disaster. When the suit arrives, I'm always so pumped to get it on, and then tragedy ensues. Disappointment, fear, shame, hatred, horror, death, failure.


Thank God summer is ending and the time for splashing around-half naked is drawing to a close. I also learned this summer that I am too old to be wearing bikinis of any type. No 2-piece bathing suits for me anymore. I am 22 and I'm actually dead-set on getting a tankini next year, FML. In all seriousness though, I came to terms with this fact when I was visiting Cody's Alabama family and went swimming with his four year-old cousin.

Yep, 2012 will be the end of the world, and the Year of the Tankini.

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