Tuesday, September 6, 2011


OK, apologies ahead of time, but I just have to rant for a minute.

So I went last night to pick up some of the magic fairy toomanydollarz canned food for the dog, and I realized just how annoyed I am by people that bring their dogs shopping at PetSmart. I'm not sure why I never realized this before, being that I've spent literally 50% of my Saturdays over the last 3 years at PetSmart, but you look at things differently as a shopper rather than someone there to try to pawn homeless dogs off on people.

I guess I understand if you were bringing your dogs shopping for things like collars, clothes, etc. Something that you needed to fit specifically to your dog before purchasing it. But if you're in there to buy a 50lb bag of shitty dog food, LEAVE YOUR 5 DACHSHUNDS AT HOME. You cannot expect to control a pack of wild beasts and carry a 50lb bag of dog food. 

^^we're not impressed, sister.^^

If you ever go into PetSmart (I guess this would apply to Petco, too....... I've just never been but, after all, it's where the pets go....) you're pretty much guaranteed to see the following:

1. Trendy couple with new puppy. It never fails that there is a young, hipster couple walking their way too young, spastic puppy around PetSmart, shopping for cool trendy things like mittens for their dog, its own personal kayak and lifejacket, etc. with a cart full of 750 chew-toys. These people are morons. Watch out.

^^omg look how adorbs we are^^

2. Hillbilly with evil devil dog. There will ALWAYS be someone in the store that is having difficulty controlling their dog as it tries to attack each passerby. Usually, these people are just passing through the store to get to the vet in the back, since they do not actually buy things for their dog and the only money they will spend for it is on Ol' Roy dogfood from WalMart and vet care if their pet looks like it may be dying (maybe.) The one I saw recently had a full-sized Schnauzer that had clearly never been groomed with a hankering for flesh to rival that of a zombievampire. Likely to be missing many teeth and wearing flannel, these people smell of cigarettes and fear. Watch out.

^^please leave this beast at home k thanks^^

3. Single woman on cell phone with yappy dog in the cart. This is one of my personal favorites. You can hear her coming a mile away since her idiot Toy Poodle begins barking as soon as she plops it down in the shopping cart. She seems to be completely oblivious to the fact that her dog's barks are drowning out the store music or announcements on the intercom. Who do you think you are??? YOU ARE NOT SEX AND THE CITY. You do not look cool with a little accessory dog riding along in your cart, terrorizing the entire store. NO PUTTING IT IN YOUR PURSE WILL NOT HELP. Most likely this woman is wearing animal print clothing, large jewelry, and her dog has bows in its hair (even boys.) This pair sucks. Watch out.

^^ you are not.^^

There are a few others that I enjoy observing, like the elderly couple walking 1 mph with their geriatric dog trailing behind, or the exercise-maniac with her huge, athletic Golden Retriever that clearly runs 25 miles with her every day, or the family of 7 with 5 children all fighting over who gets to hold the leash on their psychotic Blue Heeler. 

Cat owners are awesome in PetSmart because they do NOT bring their cats shopping with them. Yes, this could be mainly to do with the fact that a cat will fucking destroy anything and everything in its sight, so social venues are generally not a good idea, but I appreciate the cat owners acknowledging this fact and leaving those creatures at home (which, I'm sure, is super clean and cute with 30 cats running around.)

how many cats is too many cats???
this many.

^^this is not ok^^

Thanks for listening. Now, go out and buy your pets lots of good food and treats. But for Christ's sake, leave them at home.

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